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Optical "delusion"
13 August, 2004

A particular path has been beckoning for a lot of my life -- it has had different guises, different names, but the heart of it has been the same, it has had a spiritual bent. I thought I had found the place that had the right door to that path, but every time I've approached that door over the last several years, it's as if the door suddenly moved to a house of mirrors, or became my polar opposite so that, like magnets push each other away, it has all but physically moved away from me. So I've been considering that my path, and the door to that path, may lie elsewhere. I've given myself the summer to do the work I know I need to do to be sure. I've gone back to the place with the dance-away door, and it's nice, but it's not proving to be any more stable a jumping-off place.

I know this must seem like gibberish to all but a very few of you; suffice it to say, I am working out some knots, untangling some emotional threads, and this seemed an ideal forum. I'll be clearer when the decision is made.

Then, this evening, my horoscope for tomorrow:

Perhaps you are afraid to change because this will disrupt the relationships you are involved with, olive. Don't let this thought stop you from pursuing your personal growth and evolution. Why maintain a relationship when you aren't behaving as your true self in it? Perhaps you are fond of the status quo simply because you fear the unknown. As hard as it may seem, it is important for you to dig your feelings out from the basement, and adjust your actions accordingly.

We're escaping for a much-needed dose of tranquility next to Mother Ocean this weekend, and leaving before dawn tomorrow. More when I get back. I know that some of this obscurity is born of feeling wrung-out tired.

The title is courtesy of a marvelous artist friend, who knows it's incorrect but likes it better than the right word. So do I.

7 ; = 8